Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex . . .
I suppose that it should have occurred to me that with a blog title like ours we would eventually start getting hits from people trolling the internet for pornography . . . but it did not. For some reason it took quite a while but recently we started getting a good percentage of our hits from people searching on the term sex. With the Model of purity staring them in the kisser when they get to our page, the majority do not stay long, though a few do. This got me to thinking about the fixation our culture has with sex. Most television and movies that one might turn on seem to treat sex in a reductionist manner, portraying it as a biological function whose primary purpose is pleasure. Many of them act as if one cannot live a healthy life without it.
Archbishop Sheen once said that if he were looking for the Church that Christ established, he would focus his attention first on the Church which the world spent most of its time attacking. After all, this would be Satan’s the biggest threat. It seems to me that this could analogously be applied to sex. What I mean is the fixation that we have with sex indicates that there is something about it which is beyond ourselves. It is sought in ways that ordinary pleasurable experiences are not. This seems to suggest the recognition of a transcendence (i.e. a going out of and beyond ourselves) associated with the act. Sexual intercourse draws us in ways other experiences do not. The fact that it is perverted in ways that are not found with most other pleasurable experiences also suggests that there is something unique about it. It is unique in such a way that Satan seems to have most of his success with it.
John Paul the Great’s theology of the Body, I believe, provides some important insights which can help to explain this. The Epistle to the Hebrews says let the marriage bed be undefiled (13:4). Well you cannot defile what is not holy. Why is marital intercourse holy? Well look at Ephesians 5. Here St. Paul shows us that God wants to marry us. Jesus is the Bridegroom, who totally gives Himself for His Bride, the Church. Of course, this is not a biological union but it is much more intimate and intense a union than marital intercourse. In fact, marital intercourse is a foretaste of the intimate, intense, complete union of which eye has not seen and ear has not heard. God has created us to be His spouse in this sense. Marriage and family life is the training ground for us to prepare for this ultimate union with our Bridegroom. Is it any wonder that it is Satan’s primary and most effective means for distorting and perverting us and who we are?
So why is pornography one of the worst scourges we have today? Why is the sex industry one of the most prolific and prosperous, especially on the internet? Sometimes blogger, John Lalley recently reminded me of G.K. Chesterton’s quote in which he said that the man knocking at the door of the bordello is, unbeknownst to him, searching for God. Sex draws us out of ourselves toward another person. However, if we violate the grammar of our body-persons, we destroy the beauty of the act and we end up in a sterile, inward turned action which leaves us unfulfilled and when it is a grave violation, quite damaged. Sex is glorious, it is holy; but like Uzzah found with the Ark of the Covenant (2 Sam 6:6), when we defile it we are the ones who will get burned.
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If one looks at sex alone for satisifaction, he/she comes away empty. If sex is used as a source of entertainment, their satisifaction is on “the clock” . Empty sexual desires are insatiable. One can see by the billions of dollors spent in the porn industry, that the epidemic of porn/sexual addiction is out of control. Since we live in a world of individuals, we all experience the reprocussions of a sexually frustrated society. It is rather disturbing that we exploit the young in the spectator sport of sex. How many of these young people are victimized and suffer addictions of sex, drugs and alcohol and then are discarded when they are no longer useful? Where are the feminists, when most of the exploited victims are young women?
Comment by Anonymous — September 25, 2005 @ 9:50 pm
All good points David.
Comment by islandcatholic — September 25, 2005 @ 10:07 pm
Well, in a free-market economy where this is a demand, there is a market. Since sex is in high demand, it’s no wonder that the pornography industry does so well.
Maybe the reason for the high demand is that “transcendental” appeal of sex, as you have suggested. I’m not so sure why marriage is paramount to having a fulfilling experience with sex though. I would say that “outside of love,” sex is less fulfilling in that regard, but adding marriage to that doesn’t seem to add anything more than a name.
I think love (giving 100% of yourself as XYZ pointed out earlier), is more fundamental here than marriage. Do you agree?
Comment by dxd — September 26, 2005 @ 12:03 pm
dxd,
I think part of the 100% of total giving of oneself to another includes committment. The sacrament of marriage is a convenant between a man and a woman where they become one flesh. Since it is binding until death, and can never be broken (if valid) by man. If one is not willing to make the life time committment, than it is not a total gift of one to another, it is based on limits and conditions.
Comment by Anonymous — September 26, 2005 @ 3:45 pm
Sex is good, very, very good. Which makes sense, in that such physical pleasure is a result of an act total love. Of giving one as a total gift to another which breathes life into another soul to be loved by God. It may also help in our motivation to continue to procreate.
Comment by Anonymous — September 26, 2005 @ 4:07 pm
Still - marriage cannot exist without love (well, I guess it can, but not in the way that it should). That means that more fundamental to “fulfilling sex” should be love, not necessarily marriage.
I would say that sex with someone you love (married or not) is more fulfilling to both than sex with someone you are married to (but do not love anymore). Are you implying that this would not hold true here?
Comment by dxd — September 26, 2005 @ 6:06 pm
dxd, in that marriage requires (demands too) the fullest possible expression of love, and thereby fosters and develops love’s fullest and most mature expression, it seems to be superior to love in a sense, don’t you think?
After all, successful marriage demands that both parties draw on the grace of God, something outside and beyond themselves and beyond the limits of their earthly love.
If we remember that scripture tells us that God is love, then we see the connection: God, Who is love, desires that we come to know Him (Who is true love) and His normal (not exclusive) vehicle to accomplish this is the sacrament (institution is a cold word) of marriage.
Also I think we have to admit that no matter what quality of love we might possess for another, it is weak and flawed in comparison to God’s love, and unlikely, especially in today’s society, to sustain a lifelong relationship without God’s intended help.
Comment by islandcatholic — September 26, 2005 @ 6:24 pm
dxd -
Island and anon all had very good responses of which I agree. I would only add some distinctions I suppose.
First, I suspect that you do not envision marriage in the same manner as the Catholic Church does? Following Ephesians chapter 5 we recognize marriage as a Sacrament which participates in the mystery of the marriage of Christ to His Church. There are several attributes apparent which one can draw by analogy of the Christ-Church marriage to human marriage: a) it must be irrevocable, b) it must be a complete and total gift of self, c) it must be pure and chaste so as to be sanctifying, d) its first goal must be the salvation/sanctification of one’s spouse, and e) the two must become one flesh by means of a covenant.
Now a covenant is more than a contract; it is the extension of family bonds beyond biological relations. A covenant is the exchange of persons rather than goods and services (as in a contract). A covenant is sworn by an oath and so cannot be broken, even if it is violated by one or the other parties.
With this as background, one can see, as Anon and Island point out, that an authentic gift of irrevocable and total love which is most intimately expressed in marital intercourse, is synonomous with sacramental marriage. Marriage is the establishment of this covenant which then is expressed in lifelong fidelity, where each of the spouses attempt to totally give themselves to the other for their salvation, and is most intimately expressed, and the covenant is in fact renewed, through the marital act.
Does this provide a more helpful understanding of why Christians should not view marriage and complete love between a man and woman as two separate things?
Comment by David — September 26, 2005 @ 7:27 pm
The internet has made access to porn available to everyone who owns a computer. It has circumvented the risk of buying pornography in public. There is a decreased risk of public humiliation visiting porno shops. It has become more secretive and dark. It will surely affect more marriages and the ability of aflicted married couples to participate in intimate, meaningful, sexual relationships. It is hard to continue to use those whom you love, as a recepticle for selfish, narcissistic sexual desires. The true beauty of sex is seen as dirty and shameful.
Comment by Anonymous — September 26, 2005 @ 8:37 pm
You know David, you’re right - there actually is a bit more to love once marriage enters the picture.
You’re also right in that my view of marriage is not really the same as the Catholic Church’s in terms of scripture, but de facto, or fundamentally (where it really counts) it is. Marriage to me is a committment to the other person and to a family. It is really an extension of the love, but a bit more in that the sacrement of marriage involves, really, that binding covenant of which you speak and a higher entity.
So in a sense, I suppose that sex in marriage as it should be is more fulfilling to both involved than sex when both love each other. Since marriage is a step “greater” than love (although marriage still requires love), it would stand to reason that all actions have a more distinct, and significant meaning when you are married. Your actions involve an actual family.
That being said though, a marriage that does not hold this same sacrement - that is to say one where, for example, both have lost their committment to one another and their reverance for the sacrement of marriage - probably results in actions (sex included) that are not as significant in meaning to both parties. This seems pretty logical here, and it is that sort of disctinction I was trying to make.
All are good points though, Anon, Island, and David. Even though I’m not Catholic, marriage to me has the same meaning. It is a committment that involves more than just the two people entering in this sacrement - it involves a committment to each other, the family, and something greater than all of us. Love is a part of the whole.
Comment by dxd — September 27, 2005 @ 11:46 am
We have the same problems you do @ Ecce Homo. It’s depressing.
Comment by Z(ed) — September 27, 2005 @ 1:04 pm